The North Face Jacket

It’s weird right now to be at this point.  Very surreal and yet a keen awareness of everything going on around me. 

I walked the aisle as they say at church this morning.  I was very nervous, I’m not quite sure why, but I was nonetheless anxious.  Friends and people I hold so very dear came through the line giving hugs, kind thoughts, encouragement and the occasional kiss on the check.  Some people you hold it together for and others it takes everything you’ve got because you realize how much you will miss them and the blessing that they have been to you.  One little girl in particular hung on to me for dear life.  She was first in line and I could see the tears well up just a bit as she moved on.  Somehow through that little girl, I was reminded again that this has absolutely nothing to do with me. 

What if this is for her?  Imagine if 10 years from now at the age of eighteen, she looks back on that sad moment, but this time with eagerness and understanding.  Knowing that if I could do it so can she. Somehow giving her the motivation to accomplish great things for God.  I don’t know the mind of God, but it’s a nice thought.  I’m not the focal point here God is.  What if this is for the elderly man who came through the line and never had the opportunity to go to the mission field?  Imagine that by his being a prayer partner, this can give him a passion and purpose for the last few years of his life.  Suppose this is for one, in Asia who has had dreams and visions about the one true God.  Imagine this is for her and that she goes on to clear pathways in her country for the gospel.  I cannot reiterate enough that none of this is about me and I may have this all wrong, but it’s a nice thought.  An awareness. 

The Bible says in Philippians, “And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”  This week He did just that.  The verse doesn’t say your wants or your needs as in plural, but rather need.  It makes me think of what you need in that moment.  God doesn’t just give you everything you need for the rest of your life all in one day and say, “Here it is, have at it”.  Nor does he give you everything you think you need for the next two years of your life. 

I was reading online yesterday about all the things I need to bring and all the things that are useless and should be left at home.  Telling a girl with lots of shoes and I do mean lots, just ask my mother, that she will only need four pairs of shoes at most is quite heartbreaking and a little hard to grasp.  The list contains tons of items I don’t own and tons of items I do own, but will be useless to me in Asia.  As I scrolled down the list, I noticed several of the items were things that were costly, but were things the workers were glad they had invested in. 

One such item was a North Face jacket or some similar brand.  For some reason I just had it in my mind as a NF jacket.  They had purchased water proof ones with hoods for all the rain.  They also recommended that you get the kind with the vents in them for the hot rainy days.  A North Face jacket is very expensive and to be honest I was completely overwhelmed looking at the entire list thinking, “how on this world am I ever going to pay for this?”  You might say, “Isn’t the phrase, “how in this world?”” No, for me it’s how on this world.  I closed them down at Panera (where I frequent the free wi-fi) and headed out the door around nine. 

When I got home, I tried to focus on the daunting task of making a list of things I need to purchase/do, all the while trying not to focus on the money it would take or the how.  Long story short, within a matter of an hour I was given a North Face jacket, waterproof with a hood and air vents; to beat that, its baby blue and the right size.  I didn’t even pray for a NF jacket!!!???!!  My little mind hadn’t even gotten that far.  God shall supply all your need….  Not everything at once like we think or how we think, but He will supply your need.  How on this world?  Well it’s not of this world, it’s of His world.

“And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Now to our God, and Father be glory forever and ever.” Amen Phil. 4:17

Beautiful Feet    

Lessons learned and lessons left to be learned……

For two days now, I’ve felt like each day I’ve flubbed up pretty big.  A couple of times I think the whole world has been mad at me, but then again I have a slight tendency to over analyze and be paranoid..lol.  Slight is under stating it just a bit. 

I’m thankful for God’s grace though, I wonder how many times He sees my flub ups that I don’t even notice.  Oh hello, He sees them every time.  I need to learn that the decisions aren’t always mine to make, the outcome isn’t always within my control and that life, with or without my permission will continue to go on. 

How many of us wish we didn’t make mistakes, didn’t have to make apologizes and knew every morning beyond a doubt that no one was mad at us and everyone just thought, “we walked on water?”  What a happy little world we would live in.  Some do live in that world. J   If our lives were like that, we’d all be a bunch of prideful, thoughtless creatures.  Hmmmm.  Deep down we all want that, so deep down are we all prideful thoughtless creatures?  Yes.  I’d love to think that each person walking around on this earth is good at heart, but I’d be lying to you.   God created a good person, a loving person, a selfless person but we brought in sin which turns everyone in to that ugly creature (the one I’ve felt like I’ve been for the last couple of days). 

I’ve been praying lately to see the world through Christ’s eyes to see the mistakes, the people, everything through Him and not through me.  I’m very black and white and sometimes quite judgmental, but He isn’t, Praise God. I simply want to see this world through His eyes so that when this life is over, I can see His world completely and clearly through my eyes.  I want to be a leader, not a good leader, but a humble one.  The world has plenty of leaders.  I do need to learn to take initiative and to be bold for Him, not for myself. 

So we will see what tomorrow holds.  Hopefully since it’s Friday and His mercy is new every morning…tomorrow will be amazing.  Hopefully.  Often these days I can’t help but think what Mike B. would say.  Mike was the father of a dear friend of mine and he recently passed away.  I’m sure Mr. Mike would probably get a little ticked at things now and then, but I also know that in the end, he would have shrugged it off and said, “you know Whitney it doesn’t really matter.” 

It doesn’t really matter and things could always be worse.  God may YOU make me and mold me into the leader, the person, and the lover you desire me to be.  Thank you for the good days and the bad. 

Beautiful Feet

Happy Weekend

Guess what?!?  I'm at Starbucks again and the same husband and wife I wrote about last week are here again.  Crazy huh?  They must be like Starbucks regulars..lol.  Plus they seem much happier today..still odd but somewhat happy.  She reads her magazines, he works on the laptop.  It's kind of cute. 

I think I should have been a writer.  I absolutely love it!! Maybe in my next life because you all know I'm so into reincarnation (insert sarcasm here).  Only one problem though, my grammar is horrible. :)  Ask anyone whose ever read anything I've written.  It is pretty bad.  Oh, the angry now happy couple is leaving.  Funny! 

Tomorrow is Sunday which I'm always bittersweet about.  I love it because it's Sunday and the social highlight of the week(that sounded really divaish).   Yes, even with the crazies.  I don't like it, because it means Monday is coming...oh no!!! 

So the girls and I got really really bored at work the other day (don't tell our bosses) err um I got really bored at work and filled out an Eharmony profile..hilarious.  Yes I know I may not be in the country much longer, but it was still fun.  Don't worry I didn't subscribe to it or anything, but I'm actually thinking that the web thing isn't so bad.  They ask you like a hundred questions and then continue to guide you through communication via questions about yourself for the other person to answer and vice versa.  I would never do it because of all the horror stories you hear and my mother would just die, but who knows maybe someday when I'm 80.  Eharmony I still have my teeth. 

I love writing, but I love watching people as well.  Maybe I should get a part time job at Starbucks...hmmm.  Oh wait I'd have to work.  I don't love work at all, but then again who does?

There aren't really any more people in here to watch to I guess I should go because I don't really have anything to write about other than the fact that I wish I would have invited Starbucks.

Ooo Ooo strange skinny guy with camo shorts just walked in, lets watch...crap I can't he's sitting right across from me. :)  

Happy Weekend...Beautiful Feet

Sunday Sunday

Sundays are always rough..its the day that has a love/hate relationship for me.  I love Sundays because of the fellowship, worship, etc. I also hate Sundays because for a single person they are a huge afternoon and evening let down.  After you are surrounded by more people than you’ve seen all week and return home to silence and solitude it can be quite depressing.  Just ask any single person be it the young adult, the divorcee, or the widow. 

Today has been a rough day.  It started by not being able to sleep last night, you know the kind of sleep that you are asleep but its like your brain just keeps going and going…YUCK!!  I was already tired so that didn’t help.  Then I had to be at church at 8:30 this morning, that’s early for this late riser.  Add a man who loudly blesses his neighbor in the morning and I wonderfully started off my morning with a curse. (It’s a proverb).    

Sing the songs, smile for the “neighbor” man who has had too much coffee and fusses at us because we aren’t energetic enough and I had about had it by noon.

 So after the day’s events I just didn’t feel like socializing…odd effect huh.  Ever feel like not talking?  Ever feel like the entire day has been a weight on your shoulders?  I know that I’m really really ungrateful and I also know that right now I’m being a “bratsworst” (some of you will get that).

Beautiful Feet

Some days are good days and some days are bad days...maybe it's you, maybe it's someone else, maybe it's satan (see my previous entry...lol).  I was sooo frustrated today with just people and my own lack of motivation.  Of course add in the normal day to day worrying.  Worrying about one thing after the next is a great skill I possess.

Then in the middle of those days when everyone is getting on your nerves, you read about a young man serving God in the middle of a jungle with no thought of pride or selfishness.  His only goal is to make his King famous.  You see the glimmer in a mom's eye when she's just heard her son and his family will be getting extra support while they are serving on the mission field in South America.  You meet a dad that's struggling with confusion and hurt because of a lack of support and love for his family.  You see God and realize in the mist of still being frustrated and tired that this day really isn't about you at all. 

As I sit at starbucks drinking an iced mocha latte' that's not on anyone's diet.  I realize i'm supposed to be at choir practice in 2 minutes, but oh well..no one will die.  I'm currently too intrigued by the couple on the other side of the room.  They both are talking about church and worship.  The husband from what I can tell seems to be a minister.  They drink their coffee while he plays on his blackberry and she reads a magazine.  The few times they do talk, he seems angry with her.  Something about church and her sister and her own choices.  You can tell the husband is extremely passionate about what he is trying to communicate to this woman, but at this point if I were her, I'd be crying.  To me they are very sad, maybe they are just having a bad day, but they seem so unhappy.  If I was a non-Christian and saw them, heard them talk, I don't think I'd want their life.  Is that what I portray to others?  I'm not married, but I have had some very uncomfortable and difficult conversations in Starbucks before.  Did other people listen?  Did I portray a sadness to them?  A young girl commented today in the office that one of our ministers never smiles and her mom said she was completely intimidated by him...how sad.  Do I smile enough?  Sure I smile and I'm kind to people I know, but what about those that I don't know? Hmmm, makes you think doesn't it. 

Beautiful Feet